What's Important

What’s important?

The last few weeks have made the two of us rather philosophical. One of the positive things to come from this whole experience is the reduction and simplification of life. So many of the things that concerned us and worried us before have become unimportant. Priorities have become simpler and more clear.

I will admit that for quite a while, I’ve been harboring a little bit of doubt, maybe even a little anger, about this whole incident. As logical and pragmatic as I try to be, there’s that little sliver of doubt that remains.

If Mom had never gotten on a motorcycle, this wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have been on that road on that day to hit that specific car. Motorcycles are dangerous. Everyone knows that, right? What was she thinking? I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s thought that, and it’s okay to think that. It’s a normal, human thought. We hate to admit that we’re not utterly unshakable, but I’ll go ahead and tell you that I am fallible and shakable.

I was angry.

And then I read this on Mom’s Facebook. I saw it in the first few days after the accident, but it only upset me then. When I read this again last night, it hit me in a much different way:

Watch out cuz here I come.

Took my first ride on the road today...what a liberating
feeling. It was so awesome.

Everyone who knows Judi knows how much she loved her motorcycle, being around motorcycles, and being around other people who loved motorcycles. She and Steve have spent many a weekend tearing up the road both on their own and riding with the local Harley Owners’ Group.

When she talked about their experiences, there was a glow about her that made it abundantly clear how much she loved every moment of it. Her pride when she passed her test, her excitement over the weekend rides all over the state, her absolute joy at the freedom of the ride – no one could doubt how important riding was to her.

While it’s true that this very accident would not have happened if Mom was not on a motorcycle, she could have easily been in a dangerous car accident. After all, car accidents happen every day, and people can be badly injured or even killed in a car accident. We’ve seen a few victims of car accidents come up here to the trauma unit, some worse off than Judi.

So what’s the solution? Do we refuse to drive our cars, because people can die in cars? No, we take measures to offset the risk. We obey traffic laws (more or less), wear seatbelts, drive cars with safety features to protect us in the event of an accident. We drive our cars because we’ve done what we can to make it safe, and so made the risk acceptable.

Judi did all the right things. She took the motorcycle safety course. She spent many hours on the weekends practicing with Steve in parking lots. She even watched videos on safe driving. She wore a helmet. She wore protective clothing. She did far more than many motorcycle riders out there do.

And yet fate had it that this was how a traumatic event would happen. In spite of the precautions, something bad happened. Sometimes, you can do everything right, and things will still go wrong. So it goes with any undertaking. We consider the risk, take what precautions we can, and we hope for the best.

I am still angry, but I’m no longer angry at her choice to ride. How could I be when I look back on the joy it brought her? How could any of us who love and care for her be angry at her choice, seeing that exuberance? I’m still angry that it happened. I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t. But sometimes fate is cruel and ironic and just deals an ugly hand.

I’ll throw out a scenario that may sound grim or depressing, but it’s a reality, and one that only reinforces my point. Judi could have chosen not to ride, and might have been in a terrible car accident on that very same day. She might have been just as badly injured, or even worse. She might have lost everything and never even had the chance to do something she desperately longed to do.

Life is full of risks. We take risks every day. The very act of living life is a risk. But what is the alternative? Living in fear, never doing those things we long to do because of that fear, and looking back at the end of a long, safe life and saying “I wish I would have…” Do any of us want that?

So what’s important?

Joy is important. Riding free down the highway, relishing the wind in your hair and the trees rushing by; that’s important. Living life while you have it is important.