Two Years Have Come and Gone

April 26 marked the end of the second year since Judi's accident and it was difficult for me to believe that we had just got Judi's skull repaired. When we started this journey, I would never in a million years have thought we would still be going through brain surgeries two years later. In some ways, it seems like yesterday when our world came crashing down and life took on a very different meaning to us. In other ways, it seems like our previous life is a very distant past and life as we know it today is normal for us. I guess that's how we adapt to these types of situations if you are going to survive them. Or said in my terms, you can let this thing slowly destroy you and live in the past and the "Why us??" mode, or you can suck it up, move on and live life the best you can.

I will admit that I am still in the middle of the two. I had clearly started to transition to the "move on" mode last summer before we had to go back for the surgery to remove Judi's bone flap. She was doing well and the future was starting to firm up a bit for us. As I watched her steadily lose ground after the surgery, I had to fight to "stay in the middle" again. As I watch her today, I keep looking for that spark that she clearly had during the summer, but it has not surfaced yet. I don't talk about Judi's specific condition a lot because it often confuses folks that have not been exposed to this type of situation. Just so everyone will have an idea of where we are today, Judi was more responsive and capable of performing tasks when I brought her home from Walton Rehab Hospital for the first time in Sept, 2009 than she is today. I know that is tough to hear, so I am sure you understand how tough it is for me to say. HOWEVER, I do believe Judi has the capacity to do it again and make a significant recovery well beyond where she has already been. The reality is, she is going to have to make up her mind to do it before she is going to start getting better. So far, she has not made that commitment and my focus has been to try and get her motivated in that direction. It is difficult to know what tools to use to get her going though since she really doesn't provide any feedback on whether it is having a positive or negative impact. She has an appointment with her Rehab Doctor next week and my mission is to try and get him to put her back in outpatient rehab. I think that will do her a tremendous amount of good physically and the social interaction with others that are working through similar issues may be the catalyst to get her going again. Judi is pretty competitive by nature and has never been afraid to step up to a challenge in the past. I suspect it is going to be difficult to get her back in unless she interacts some with him during the appointment. As you recall, she was discharged in the fall due to a lack of participation. keep your fingers crossed and pray that Judi steps up.

On a different note. Judi's hair is growing in well. The incision is healed and there are no issues there. We went to a an appointment with her GYN doctor and all was well. I can assure you that was a unique experience for me. I was the only man in a room of women and felt like an "onion in a tulip patch." They were awesome to us though and I could not have asked for better care for Judi. I have a new respect for women though. There is nothing fun about the mammogram process and it made me hurt just watching. Saving the ta-ta's comes with a price. We have also restarted her NF therapy and she seems to be tolerating that well.

I know the post has been a bit gloomy, but several folks have asked me over the last couple days how Judi was doing and I felt like I needed to be candid with those that care for her. DO NOT read into this anywhere that I am giving up on her. I will keep at it as long as God gives me the strength or she tells me to leave her alone. Keep praying for us. Jess and I are doing our best to support one another as well as Judi, but we are both getting a little worn down. Stop by and see her if you can. She does like visits and if you catch her on a good day, it will warm your heart a bit. I will try and include some pictures of Judi with the next post. Now that she is back to normal, I don't think she would mind having her mugshot on the air waves.

Thanx as always for your support and prayers,
Steve